Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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