I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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