Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
