So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
