yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
