I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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