he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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