4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
