Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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