I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
