I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
