youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
