Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
