I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
