Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
