sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
