put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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