the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you would pick up someone in the library
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
