YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
