Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
