i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
