Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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