Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
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