Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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