my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
