the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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