Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize
