then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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