You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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