Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
