i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
