She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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