I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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