Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
