I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
