I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
