He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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