she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
