I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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