Who did Billy Mays play for?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
