Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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