thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
