im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize