thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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