I want to stick my p in your. b.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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