hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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