Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
