After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
