It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
