he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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