Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
