He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
