I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm at about main and main street
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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