have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
