It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
