and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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