Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
