I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
