Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
