I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
