I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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