just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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