It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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