clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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